Ten years ago.

Ten years ago, our family began to become acquainted with Alzheimer's disease when my husband, Carl, was diagnosed with it. At the time, our family was living in Dallas. Carl, 51 was working as an attorney for a large oil company, and all five of our children were still living at family circle I was employed as a social worker.

From the avail of diagnosis, our individual lives began to change drastically. Each of us, in our be in possession of way, began to go between the walls of the steps of grieving. Although my children and I have been able to view many positives that have happened to us because of this disease, I have "lost" my husband; the children have "lost" their dad.

I be wrought up very fortunate that Carl was diagnosed early in the disease proces because he was able to deal with his disease. He was able to share his feelings about Alzheimer's with us and actively participated in making plans for his time to come as well as the coming events of our family. None of this was easy; our family did a parcel of talking and crying with each other and grew in ways that we probably not at any time would have, had Carl not been diagnosed.

As I gaze back over the past 10 years, four major disturbs or decisions stand out as the chiefly difficult for me to handle: wealth and legal issues, when Carl should quit his do job-work when he should stop driving, and moving him to a nursing home

Losing Our Family Provider

Here are any of the questions that I had to face: for what reason could we survive without Carl's paycheck? by what mode could we protect our assets'? for what reason could we provide for all subsequent time needs? How would Carl perceive about gradually being less responsible for providing for his family?

Carl had been our main provider, and I became almost obsess with the idea that we could not provide for our family if he did not work. We had saved for the coming events and had invested, but realizing that Carl would quit working in his early 50 was frightening.

Early in the disease, after attending education meetings of the Alzheimer's Association Metro Denver Chapter, I began dealing with the legal implications of Alzheimer's. Carl cooperated on signing a durable power of attorney, through which Carl designated me to make important legal decisions upon his behalf when he was no longer mentally endowed to do so. We also changed our wills and had a family trust drawn up to bring our legal affairs up to date.

The principally frightening aspect of all of these paces was when, on legal advice, I remov Carl's name from our checking and saving accounts, our car titles, and attribute documents. It was frightening because Carl was still alive and it was the same more step in realizing we no longer could function as a coupling Carl did not protest any of these things, if it be not that I felt he was becoming a "non-person." I cop through doing as my lawyer advised and was supported by the agency of my children and support group

Giving Up the Job

My pertain to in deciding when Carl should quit work was not to jeopardize either Carl's dignity or our family's security.

Carl worked for 2 filled years after his diagnosis. During those 2 years, I was terrified that he might be fired because of his poor short-term memory. If he had been fired, I knew that our family would be deprived of all company benefits. On the other hand, I wanted Carl to work as prolonged as possible to help maintain his dignity. I was worried about what would happen to him formerly he was no longer working.

After talking with the personnel representative at Carl's place of employing I realized Carl would receive disability benefits from his company as well as from Social Security. Carl, his bos and I agreed as to when he would quit working.

Carl worked it revealed in his mind that he still received checks nevertheless did not have to make progress into the office. He missed going to work nevertheless kept busy at home vacuuming each room in the house daily and going for extended walks in the neighborhood.

Tearing Up His Driver's License

Three years after his diagnosis, I became aware that Carl's driving ability was diminishing. I knew he shouldn't drive, yet I hesitated in taking away more of his independence. I had already started driving more when we went places together, on the contrary I finally made the decision that it was not safe for Carl to drive at all.

In a dramatic manner, I divide [i]or[/i] sever his license up in brow of him and had him sign a document saying that he would in no degree drive again. I did this hoping he would remember. a certain quantity of days he did; others he did not. From then onward the children and I guarded our car lock openers and I sold Carl's car. Interestingly, for the nearest 3 years, and even with his poor short-term memory, Carl told everyone who would listen that I had sold his car. To my knowledge, Carl not at all drove again, although he wanted to.

Moving Him to a Nursing Home

Carl mov to a nursing abode in March 1989. Early in the disease proces I knew that eventually Carl would probably ne nursing abode care, and I selected the family that I felt would best take care of him.

Knowing when he should rouse was a difficult decision. I worried about the costliness of the nursing home and the reactions of my husband's parents and our friends. I did not want to wait until a crisis occurr to induce Carl to a nursing abiding-place but I did make a list of potential situations that would ready the decision. This list included combativeness, sleeplessnes incontinence, and wandering away from the house.